You’re not alone. But it can sure feel like it! Your child has a huge problem with bugs. To the point that they think they can see bugs when they aren’t there! It’s frustrating as a parent. Their irrational fear of flying insects is overwhelming for you and for your child. When your child thinks that all the creepy crawlies are out to get her, it can be impossible to calm her down.
Here’s what is going on:
At around the 3 – 4 yo age, your child’s imagination takes over! Make believe, and the creations of their tiny, growing minds come to life. It can be difficult for them to see a clear difference between their imagination and the real world. Your child’s mind runs wild during playtime and bedtime, and there isn’t a switch that turns it off between the two.
Check out my Age by Age guide to understanding what worries and fears to expect at your child’s age. Download the guide here!
Think about watching a fantasy movie such as Harry Potter. When the movie ends, so does “He Who Must Not Be Named” and those wonderful gadgets called Time Turners. Time Turners allow you to be in many places at one time. Like, doing the laundry, sleeping, and making dinner at the same time because well, #momlife. As life saving as it would be. We know that once our brains leave the wonderful world of Harry Potter, we don’t believe those things are a possibility anymore. We did while we were watching the movie! But now that it is over, we know it was all just fantasy. Unfortunately, your child’s mind does not change gears quite as easily as yours does.
So along with imaginary friends, your child’s imagination also comes fully loaded with villains and people-eating superbugs. Batteries not included. As your child’s creativity grows, the possibilities become endless! Toddlers and children who were never before scared of bugs, are now petrified. Petrified of any flying, buzzing or clicking little insect. The buzzing sound of a bumble bee can be enough for them to recreate a bone-chilling scream from a popular horror film. On the spot. In your backyard. Just as your neighbor comes home from work. Just. Perfect.
You will want to talk your child out of their fears by explaining to them how flying ants “are nothing to be afraid of”. This can make it hard for your child to believe you. Why would they when their amygdala and fight or flight response is in overdrive! And it can drive them away from your well intentioned need to comfort them.
Acknowledge their fear while keeping your cool.
Know that their imagination will only give the moth or spider even more power. Especially if you threaten them or make light hearted fun of the situation. Try not to force your child to confront their fears right at that moment.
Offer your understanding of how scary bugs can appear. By doing this, you will give your child the comfort they need. It gives them the space to talk to you about what is so scary to them. And then the chance to talk all about it when they are ready.
Baby Steps
During play or while watching a cartoon about bugs, you can try talking/drawing/watching bugs. From a safe distance, this is much less scary for your child. This encourages her to approach bugs in a much less threatening way. First draw them, then watch videos, then listen to the noises they make. Then stand on the porch with your child. Then encourage her to stand on the stairs. And slowly make your way into the garden again without your child being frozen in fear. Take it slow and listen to your child and help her know you are with her no matter what.
Imagination and Their Development
Just because their imaginations are running wild, doesn’t mean us we get to step in and cut it short. That would not be helpful for you or for your child. Here’s why we want to encourage their vivid imaginations even though that is what is at the root of their fear:
