How to Control Anxiety: Medication or “Just Sessions”

I belong to a couple groups on Facebook where I get the honor of connecting with weary parents just like you. Confused parents. Exhausted and overwhelmed. These parents feel like they have tried everything. They, like you, have looked at your child’s behavior from many different perspectives. They have called in all the professionals. Including your child’s teacher, counselor or therapist. And now the occupational therapist too. But still you are confused about whether to medicate your child or not. You fear judgement from friends and family. You doubt whether you are making the right choices as a parent or not. And you wonder how to control anxiety in your child, because what you have been doing is not working. You’re on the edge of giving up all hope. So what gives?

While I am not a psychiatrist, and I cannot prescribe medication as a mental health therapist. I can bring light to what other families say was the last straw for them. I hope this gives you a clear picture of what other families just like you go through. And that in fact, they were in exactly the same place you are in right now too.

*My daughter knew when she needed meds and she came to me. She was right around 14. I hated the idea of medicating, but knew it was time when she asked if she could be on them. I think she finally realized she was different from her friends. She struggled and we tried every natural thing possible before medicating.

*I am on meds myself. Have been for several years. When over the space of a few weeks my son was constantly self harming and suicidal, I knew something had to be done.

* Her therapist actually recommended them. She said therapy can only get to a certain point (we’d be going several months at this point). And she felt our daughter needed medicine to get her where she needed to be. In our hearts, we knew she was right. We tried to avoid meds before then. Just hearing someone else say it made us realize it too. I wish we had started years before. We still struggle a lot, but even with our struggles, she is so much better. No more angry outbursts or complete breakdowns, etc.

*Cutting was our child’s trigger. But I feel like the medication made things worse.

Carla: speak to your doctor or psychiatrist about what to expect. Often times with medication for psychological issues, it can make things worse before it get better. And often times it takes a while to work. Again, I am not a doctor. So it is best you speak to your doctor about this. My intention is to help you ask the right questions!

*Therapist suggested to see a psychiatrist.

*We started meds when my daughter would come home from school and crawl into bed and sleep. She went from sleeping 9ish hours a day to 12 to 13.

*He started running away.

*Ran out of other things to try and my son was still miserable. Allergies, diet, physical issues, environment, therapy… After exhausting those kind of issues/options.

*My daughter developed a fear of leaving the house. She is doing better but it’s still an issue 4 years later.

*He asked after 6 months of seeing someone. Things were getting better but he was tired of feeling worried about everything. I was not ready for him to be on anything so his doctor and I found something that would help but would also help his allergies.

*My son faked vomiting and pleaded for help. Well, a lot of the vomiting was real, but he faked a lot too.

*My daughter at age 10y kicked in her window in an angry rage. Then grabbed a shard of glass and made like she was going to cut her wrist. I had to physically restrain her and knock the glass from her hand. She had been in therapy for over 2 years at this point. And her therapist said she needed medication because therapy wasn’t enough.

*When therapy and behavior therapy weren’t working. We tried for almost a year. Meds definitely were not the first option. My son actually told me himself after a year of therapy that he wanted to try meds. Because he was tired of feeling crappy all the time. It’s definitely easier if they’re willing to take them. He and I had a game plan from the beginning which helped him not feel blindsided by any decisions I made for him.

*Our trigger was aggression.

*He threw a marble at his bedroom wall so hard, he put a hole in it. He isolated himself, and got angry and hateful towards everyone. We started meds and then he got into therapy a week later.

Carla: always remember that medication is not a magic pill. It helps bring your child down or calm enough to be open to what is talked about in therapy sessions. It works best when both medication and therapy hold hands.

*Threatening to kill himself on a daily basis. Basically being an a*hole to be around. And if you pushed back on the behavior he was going to _________ . Fill in the blank with an awful threat toward the person pushing back or himself.

*Her lack of sleep for all 4 years of her life.

*He said he wanted to die.

*Mine was okay and managed his anxiety and OCD with our help until he was about 12y. He then had a couple of huge and long episodes he couldn’t get out of. He was begging for help. He was also asking why him, saying no one understands, life is so sad. He hated himself, crying, screaming, angry scared and so on. To the point he was not doing the things he loved. He started Zoloft 2 weeks ago and it is helping already.

Carla: although one medication may work wonders for someone else’s child. Remember that it may not work the same for yours. In the same way that strawberries are a wonderful antioxidant rich superfood for me. They may be unhelpful for someone else because they are allergic to the same thing. Simple example, but a good remember that sometimes medication can be trial and error. You may not find “the one” right away. So try be open to that.”

*My then 9y said she didn’t want to be alive. She didn’t believe her dad and I loved her, hitting herself in the head… Mental illness runs in the family so I knew the likelihood was high that she’d need meds. Prozac and CBT therapy have given us our daughter back. There are still some dark lows but they are more manageable now versus tantrums where we would literally have to hold her body down.

Carla: again, not all therapy is a one size fits all. I love CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as a strategy to help families that I work with. It looks at the way you think, feel and act and what serves you and what doesn’t serve you. Sometimes our thinking , feeling and acting can be the same. But sometimes one of the three may not be in line with the other two. I incorporate many other tools to help me help you and your child in a therapy session this one is a favorite all round!

*We had 3 years of psychology which didn’t work.

*He told me he had a failed suicide attempt. I wish I’d put him on meds before he got to that low.

*In a letter she said she wanted to die. I found it and asked her about it. She had a major panic attack and said she was tired of feeling like that and wanted help. Off to the ER we went. 7 days in a facility. Best thing that ever happened. I had no clue she was feeling this way.

*Suicidal thoughts. Trouble getting out of bed every day, generally having trouble getting through life. Panic attacks.

*My daughter saw a psychologist for ADHD and anxiety disorder. Come to find out she also had severe depression. SO we started to treat her ADHD because of how severe it was but every single med she took made her depression worse. About 6 months into it, they diagnosed her with a mood disorder. She has bipolar disorder but because she’s only 7 they only put mood disorder on her paperwork.

*A complete panic attack that lasted for 3 days. She refused to get into a car, wouldn’t let me leave her sight. She said she’d just die. She was 7y then. She’s 13 now. She’s been on Zoloft then with minor increases due to growth spurts and is doing very well with it. We got very lucky to find one that worked well for her right off. My daughter secretly stopped taking her meds for 2 weeks. On the second week we really started to notice the difference. She thought she didn’t need the meds anymore. I tried to explain to her that she feels that way because they are working. Luckily she notices the difference now that they are back in her system and working again. I hope that was enough to keep her from trying that again, at least until we get through puberty! Ugh.

These are just a few real responses from real parents who feel like they are out of options too. I hope this has given you a clear picture that you are not alone. Reach out to your GP or your child’s therapist and ask for help. If you need someone else to think this through with you, they are your best choices. I for one am not for or against medication. I do not celebrate anyone going on medication or anyone going off medication. If you or your child need medication, then that is exactly what you need. No ifs, ands or buts.

I get frustrated when someone chooses medication as a first option. It is not a magic pill. Benzodiazepines while helpful to some, can change the makeup of your child’s brain. Yes your child’s behaviors are out of control. Yes you feel overwhelmed and exhausted and you wonder how on earth this ever became your life. And yes medication does help. But at what cost? Have you looked at your child’s way of eating lately and how much sugar and refined food they eat? Or is takeout each night the easiest? Have you worked out a bedtime routine that helps your child sleep well each night? Or is bedtime a different time and process depending on the day? How much water does your child drink or do they prefer a fizzy drink or a chocolate milkshake instead? I am not saying these things are bad. What I am saying, is there are a bunch of first steps to take to help your child’s behavior. To help it return to what it was before it got out of control, before you choose medication. If you have done this, and you still think your child needs medication, speak to your GP. Or psychiatrist and also your child’s therapist today. It is not a character flaw. You are not a bad parent. You’re a doing-your-best parent and that is the very best you can do! It’s enough. As you can see, you are not alone in this. I am standing with you, holding your hand as you go through this.

If you enjoyed this article, you may want to read this story on Anxiety Tools for Kids: The Tool of All Tools.