Your teen is fiery and angry. This is the third year of disrupted schooling for them. So it’s expected that they are angry. It’s even appropriate that they feel the way they do. They are justified in feeling this way. We can often respond with alarm and advice instead of listening and giving them a space to vent. Their emotional floodgates threaten to burst at any moment – you choosing to listen (read: no problem solving, just listen) can be the reason why they don’t!
Venting can take many forms including a good cry, talking about it, and hardcore training programs all release psychological pressure and build up frustration. Angry and sad music does too – it all helps soften the blow and ease overall stress and tension. When your teenager comes to you for help – the help they need is you holding that space for them. That’s all.
They may sulk and keep to themselves a lot. And that is okay. At the same time, they may seemingly burst into flames from out of nowhere with more anger than you knew they even had! To get feelings out, start with regulation. Regulation is a big word for anything that has to do with movement and rhythm. Go for a walk outside, listen to music or go for a car ride. Focus on a friend of theirs having issues and less on them directly. Or approach the subject via text rather than face to face if need be. Choose to let go of the arguing and be calm and steady instead – be the rock in the raging river, always. They are counting on it. Expect their surge of stress – and be there, standing steady. Distraction can be good. Do something else. Pick it back up later.
When is a professional required and dare I say, deserved? When your child or teen doesn’t seem themselves, has constantly low energy and heavy moods. When this as well as feeling hopeless and helpless continues for weeks, it’s time to get outside help. Book in a consult with a health provider or mental health professional that you trust.
It’s not going to go away on its own because the external world doesn’t appear to be solving itself anytime soon. Also, we aren’t looking for how to take it away completely. We are looking at helping them learn how to ride the wave of discomfort now, and still be prepared for the next big wave that is sure to come later too.
