Sometimes breathing does make anxiety worse. And here is why: you are telling the amygdala “no – I’m not going to run. I am going to take a few deep breaths.” So the trying-hard-to-save-you amygdala goes “no no, we don’t need steady breathing, we need to run!”
This can and will make the fight or flight surge of neurochemicals stronger. Be prepared for that. Breathing is the only part of the nervous system that we can control. But your child needs to practice it when they are not stressed and overwhelmed, so that it is second nature to them in a challenging situation. Here’s how to talk to your child about it:
“In our brains, we have a feeling part (limbic system) and thinking part (prefrontal cortex). When you have big feelings, the thinking brain goes offline. The amygdala does this to protect you. Shallow breathing is what the amygdala does first which starts priming your body for fight or flight – it’s why your tummy feels tumbly and your legs feel wobbly. When you take a steady, deep breath, it activates the vagus nerve. We can change what is happening in the brain with what we do in the body. The way we do this is through the vagus nerve. Deep breathing activates the vagus nerve. It sends messages to the brain that trigger a relaxation response. That’s what we want! It is this way for everyone. We aren’t in control of how anxious we might feel sometimes. We are in control of calming ourselves down with deep breathing. This activates the relaxation responses. Your brain waves change, your heart rate and blood pressure lower. And when this happens, your thinking brain comes online. Do you want to practice it now together while you are calm?”
Deep breathing will always calm the amygdala. All this means is focusing on your breathing. Pause between breaths. And breathe out for longer than you breathe in. Breathing helps your body and mind know, “it’s okay, we are safe, we can do this.”
