We dissociate all the time. It’s a normal and natural part of being a human being. We might feel overwhelmed by what we think the challenge in front of us will be, and we just shut down from dealing with it. We might avoid it, stare into space for what feels like forever, and not even listen to loved ones when they are trying to connect with us. It’s when you just want out and you do think like mindlessly scroll through social media or watch a movie and fast forward through it with no real reason.
In the fight-flight-freeze fear response that we have when we perceive a threat in our world, this is the freeze part of the response. This is where you might just want to collapse. You feel numbness and depression and your body does all it can to conserve your energy. It’s almost as if your body just takes over and you shut down. You feel trapped, helpless and so ashamed of not moving off the couch all day. This is dissociation. During this experience, you actually have endorphins that are released that help numb you and raise your pain threshold as your body prepares for whatever big life threat that you might be facing.
Your heart rate decreases. As well as blood pressure and even your facial expressions and eye contact. You literally can’t hear like you can when you are feeling more calm. Don’t even think about social connectedness or sexual arousal. Because your body is sensing serious danger, and why would you want to make babies when your basic resources are threatened? If you or your partner are struggling with dissociation, then you can see how this can make it that much harder to connect and be intimate.
Share this article with your partner to help them understand. All of this is backed by research and if you would like more information, you can research Polyvagal theory and the Vagus nerve. Movement and regulation are going to help you calm down and not feel so overly sensitized. But you can’t do yoga, deep breathing and go for a walk to calm down unless you can first identify that what you have been experiencing is in fact dissociation.
