A child’s thinking brain or prefrontal cortex hasn’t finished growing yet and won’t until the mid to late twenties. This, as well as the prefrontal cortex being temporarily shut down during the fight or flight response, means that your child won’t be able to “think straight” when feeling worried. This means it can be difficult for them to put their feelings into words, and articulate themselves fully. Thankfully, children are resourceful. Without words, they will show their anxiety. This has an adaptive function as it loops in strong and protective adults through the attachment system. This can help children calm their central nervous systems. Here are some common behaviors that signal a child’s worry and fear:
- Struggling to eat and enjoy foods they used to prefer Headaches and stomachaches, body aches and pains Can’t focus and just staring off into space Overreacting or jumpiness
- Fast heart rate and struggling to breathe/tightness in their chest Sweat a lot
- Sore muscles, cracking neck
- Explode for no or little reason
- Angry and irritated
- Dizzy and light headed Struggle to sleep, bad dreams
Your child feels anxiety in their body, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Anxiety is a very physical issue – it impacts physical functioning. If I picked you up and dropped you off in the middle of a busy road, your body would react first. This is the fear response at work. You may tremble, feel your stomach flip, have a dry mouth, sweat, have an increased heart rate and your body might stiffen at the sight of a speeding car coming right at you. The same is felt by your kid too. The fight or flight response is the exact same for them, even if they aren’t actually standing in that busy road but just ‘think’ they are.
Human brains developed to consider threats first and everything else later. When we detect a threat, it makes sense to forget everything else and only focus on getting to safety. The brain prioritizes this. So naturally, if your child goes through the day thinking about the 15 possible threats to him ahead, he isn’t going to think much about whom to have a sleepover with instead. This is why your anxious child gets good at singularly focusing on their anxiety. Your child may do everything in their power not to focus on these unwanted and intrusive thoughts, and yet they just keep coming.
