Learning how to regulate or calm yourself down, can be one of the most helpful things you can learn to do for yourself.
We need it because when we get activated, worried, nervous, or anxious, calming ourselves down is the first step we have control over. Somebody can walk in and try to reason or relate with us when we are wired. But it’s going to go in one ear and out the other unless we are able to calm our nervous system down first.
Our Fight or Flight Instinct:
We are always scanning our environment for danger as human beings. We love to survive and help other people survive too – that’s our purpose. When we’re doing that and we register threat from our outside or inside world, we trigger our fear response. Or we might even dissociate where we start to shut down from the outside world because it’s simply too overwhelming and we feel hopeless and helpless about our situation.
When we are in an activated place, the most helpful thing we can do is regulate. But how do we do it?
How Do We Regulate?
So what does this regulation look like?
It’s can look like:
- Reading a book
- Listening to music
- Anything with movement and rhythm is your friend
- Going for a walk
* Co-regulation is also helpful – that is when someone goes on a walk with you, and your nervous system calms down because their nervous system is calm.
Regulate – Relate – Reason:
As a reminder, the brain is set up with the brain stem first, then the emotional or limbic part, and then the prefrontal cortex. We’re only going to access the prefrontal cortex if we go from the bottom to the top so we need to regulate first, then relate, and then reason as if we are working our way up from the bottom of the brain to the top.
For example, if you have somebody who says that they do not want to get out of bed today and don’t see the point of living. Trying to reason with them right away is not going to work. You have to start with the regulation piece, then relate and share that emotional bond, and then only reason with them by letting them know they are important to you and that you love them.
