As kids start to grow up, they also start to grow in independence and we want to give them that independence. That means there is going to be less of that power play between the two of you.
I’m going to walk you through the step-by-step process that love and logic lays out. It’s a really helpful process that you can start when they’re really young, and use all the way through as you’re helping them flex their independence muscles.
Step 1: Give them empathy
Some examples:
“I can only imagine how hard that situation was for you.”
“I can’t imagine how frustrated you must have been in order to hit your sibling.”
Step 2: See what they are going to choose next.
Ask them what they are going to do next and see what they say.
Step 3 & 4: Give them choices and consequences
Here you are looking at choices and the consequences. Ask them what they’re going to do next and see what their different choices are.
Example:
“You might want to say sorry, ask for forgiveness, or share your toys. What is your choice?”
Then ask them what the consequences of their choice are going to be. They might say that their sibling will forgive me and will want to play with me again. Or, they might have to learn by trial and error what the consequences might be.
Step 5: Give it over to them to make the decision themselves.
Really hand the problem-solving over to them. If they aren’t yet ready to ask for forgiveness no matter how much you push, they’re not going to be more ready because you keep pushing! Give them the chance to problem-solve on their own.
You’ve helped them work through the process and helped them figure it out, now it’s about really letting them take control over their own choices as you stand by and support them.
All of this grows their independence in problem-solving and figuring out different solutions alongside you… it also helps you grow in giving them independence too!
