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Why do I tie my self-worth so closely to my job and feel so lost when I try to define myself outside of it?

When your work is everything—your identity, your purpose, your proof of value—what’s left when you step away from it? The truth is, for so many professionals, self-worth feels tied to their performance, their title, and the company name on their email signature.

For professionals in high-pressure companies like Microsoft and Amazon, your identity can become so entangled with your work that it’s hard to separate the two. You might think: “If I’m not successful here, who even am I?” It’s as if your worth is a line item on your résumé, and anything outside of work feels invisible or unimportant.

But here’s where it gets even harder: when work is your whole identity, every setback feels personal. A missed promotion, a failed project, or even a bad meeting can make you question your value as a person. You might keep working harder, chasing validation that never truly feels like enough. And when you’re not working—whether it’s a weekend, a vacation, or just a quiet evening—you feel lost, unsure of who you are without your role.

This week in therapy, a client shared, “I’ve worked here for years. I know I am good at what I do, but I don’t know who I am outside of it. I don’t know my self worth outside of my company.”

They described how even small breaks from work left them restless and uneasy. Hobbies felt like a waste of time, and time with loved ones was shadowed by thoughts of what they “should” be doing. Work wasn’t just a job—it was their entire sense of self.

We started by exploring what self-worth outside of work could look like. Together, we identified their characteristics, values and passions unrelated to their role—small, meaningful things they once loved but had let go of over time. Step by step, they began to reconnect with themselves: prioritizing relationships, rediscovering hobbies, and setting boundaries with work.

Today, they’re building a life where success isn’t the only measure of worth—and where they can step away from their desk without losing themselves.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t know who you are outside of work, you are most welcome here – you are one of us. In my 1:1 therapy sessions, I’ll help you untangle your self-worth from your career and help you reconnect with the parts of you that have been overshadowed. It’s time to build a life that feels fulfilling, both inside and outside of work.

Carla Buck

Carla Buck

Hiya, I'm Carla. I created this site to be a place that helps you feel calm and empowered as parents, professionals and students. Thanks for visiting my site. I hope you have found it valuable.