Your child isn’t just kind—they go above and beyond for others. They apologize too much, take the blame even when it’s not theirs, and say yes when they’re exhausted. They’re terrified of being seen as selfish, careless, or ‘bad.’ They don’t just want to be good; they feel like they have to be.
For neurodiverse students, the fear of being a bad person can be overwhelming. Maybe they’ve made a mistake in the past that haunts them. Maybe they struggle with understanding social cues and worry that they’ve upset someone without realizing it. Maybe they just feel like their worth is tied to how much they give.
So they overcompensate. They people-please, they say yes when they mean no, they carry guilt for things that aren’t their fault. They’re not just trying to be kind—they’re trying to prove, to themselves and others, that they are good enough.
But the more they overcompensate, the more exhausted they become. They give and give, but it never feels like enough. They sacrifice their own needs to keep others happy, only to feel drained and resentful. And then? They feel even worse—because now they’re tired and guilty. The cycle repeats, and soon, being a ‘good person’ feels like an unbearable weight instead of something natural.
This week in therapy, a student shared: “I don’t want anyone to think I’m selfish. I hate the idea that I could ever be a bad person, so I try to do everything right. But it never feels like enough. I still feel guilty all the time.” They described how they constantly second-guessed themselves—Did I say the wrong thing? Did I do enough? Should I have done more?—until even the smallest interactions felt like tests they couldn’t pass. And when they did try to set a boundary, the guilt hit hard. “If I say no, what if they think I don’t care? What if I hurt someone without meaning to?”
Through therapy, we worked on breaking the overcompensation cycle and helping them understand that being good doesn’t mean giving everything away. Instead of saying yes out of guilt, they practiced pausing before agreeing to something—asking themselves, “Do I really want to do this?” Instead of measuring their worth by how much they give, they worked on self-validation—recognizing that kindness isn’t about overextending, but about balance. Their tutor helped them reframe mistakes, so instead of overcorrecting and spiraling, they could acknowledge and move on without self-punishment. Parents learned how to reinforce boundaries—not just by telling them it’s okay to say no, but by modeling it themselves.
And over time? They stopped proving they were good—and started believing it.
If your child is constantly overcompensating out of fear of being ‘bad,’ they don’t need to push themselves harder—they need support that helps them trust their own goodness. At Warrior Brain, our integrated therapy and tutoring services help neurodiverse students set boundaries, process guilt, and learn that they are already enough.
