Guilt is quite intertwined with anxiety because we often feel a lot of guilt for the “I would have”, “I could have”, and “I should have” conversations that we often have with ourselves.
When we feel guilty (“I did something bad”), we might look away, look down, or our body sort of collapses a bit – we almost try to make ourselves as small as possible under the weight of guilt. Now if that guilt persists and we continuously feel anxious, worked up, and unsure about our decisions and choices, we start to move into shame (“I am bad.”).
Brené Brown helped us see is that guilt is about doing something bad or wrong, and shame is being bad or wrong. The more guilt you feel and the more pervasive that guilt becomes, the more ashamed and shameful you will feel.
What is Guilt Signaling to You?
What you might not know is that guilt is actually a prosocial emotion which means that it’s actually there to serve a purpose. Although you’re feeling guilty and you’re feeling like you’d like to glue your eyes to the ground in shame, the emotion is signaling you to take action. That action is one that will move you closer to hopefully repairing what you’ve done and changing your behavior so that you can become part of your social group again, by sticking to the social norms of what is prosocial inside that group.
Accurate and Inaccurate Thoughts?
There’s a very big caveat to that which is if your guilt is pervasive and it’s hung around for a while and you can’t get rid of it, it may not actually be accurately placed guilt. It might not be “real” in the sense that you may have assigned yourself guilt without real reason for you carrying that guilt. Don’t get me wrong, it’s real guilt you are feeling and it is a heavy load to carry. What I am encouraging you to do is to think about whether it’s accurate thoughts or if it’s inaccurate thoughts that are connected to your guilt.
For example, if you have made a choice to no longer hang out with a group of friends, and you hang out with a different group of friends – but you feel guilty that you are no longer with that first group of friends… think about what you’re doing because you’re potentially making a good and healthy choice for yourself to hang out with the second friend group. That guilt you feel and the thought of you doing something wrong may be misplaced, so check in with yourself about whether your guilt is accurate. Did you actually do something wrong because you might just feel that guilt because you are so accustomed to feeling that guilt. Especially if you often felt that way with friend group 1, which is why you chose to leave the group in the first place.
So when you feel that feeling, think about it. Maybe your guilt is inaccurate and misplaced.
