You get so much attitude from your tween. You never quite know what to expect and then when it comes, you’re not even sure what just happened. One minute it is cuddles and kisses, and then next your sweet and affectionate child seems to have spawned and now suddenly hates you. You may be surprised to know that this is developmentally normal and to be expected.
Your tween is learning how to assert their independence. How to be separate from you. And that’s hard when you also want to hug and be hugged. You are both the source of constant comfort as well as embarrassment and shame when around their friends.
You are the first trusted person they can try out their newfound independence with. Oftentimes, it crosses the line and they need you to let them know when that is not okay. Be patient, calm and kind knowing what you know. It’s part of their development. It’s also good to help them know what will and won’t be tolerated – by you or by their friends if they tried it on them. Help them out with some suggestions: e.g. “That’s not a very kind thing to say. And we don’t talk like that in this family. You’re welcome to try again with kinder words.”
It’s such a challenge not to feel completely shunned and out of your depth when parenting tweens. It is oftentimes this way because it reminds us of when we were tweens and teenagers, and how much of a challenge it was to fit in and feel like we belonged. Have some grace and remember – no matter how foul mouthed and sassy they get… being a tween/teen is HARD.
