The fear of being judged is for you, way worse in your own mind than it actually is in reality because you are your own worst critic. Your own expectations of yourself are higher than you have for anyone else. You know this. This is not news to you. Yet you refuse to change or lower your expectations because you associate it with a fundamental change in who you are as a person. Which ultimately leaves you feeling unworthy.
Does that sound at all familiar?
Here’s the thing: your expectations are impossibly high. And reaching them wouldn’t even give you the satisfaction you are looking for – because you will just re-adjust your expectations up one notch anyway. So at what point would you actually be happy?
Overcoming your fear of being judged is more about overcoming your own fear of what you say about yourself than it is about overcoming what people might say or think about you. I can guarantee you that other people care less about whether you meet the mark or not. They have so many other things running through their head that whether you got married at the “right” age or whether you are doing well enough at your university or not, is not their top priority. And if you do have those thoughts, then it’s more your top priority – not theirs.
So ask yourself: what do I really care about? Because if it is about whether you got married at the right age or not, then go out and research the heck out of that and see if you come up with something meaningful. And if that is not truly what you care about, then what is it that you do find meaningful? And set 1 single expectation of yourself that is a smaller, more manageable expectation. And set 1 single expectation that is a bigger expectation.
Give yourself an easy win with meeting that smaller expectation, and talk kindly to yourself. Then meet the next expectation with the same amount of kindness and empathy. And keep going. None of this perfectionistic, “I have never participated in a triathlon before but the first time I do, I need to win” business. Overcoming your own fear of judgement (which is really, do I meet my own high expectations or not) looks a lot like being okay with failing on the way to succeeding.
