How we feel has a really big impact on how we think. You may not realize it, but ask yourself how you are feeling the next time you find yourself in a negative downward spiral, and you may just start to see the link. Uncomfortable feelings make for uncomfortable thoughts.
Anxious adults tend to be very good at coming up with negative outcomes in their minds. We tend to assign high values to those potential negative outcomes making them seem even worse than they might appear to someone else. And lastly, we tend to think that negative outcomes are more likely to happen than is realistically true. Even people who are not typically anxious, tend to overestimate the likelihood of bad outcomes when they feel anxious. There is that mood – negative thoughts link again.
Another thing you have noticed is how laser focused you can be on your own negative thoughts. This is called attention bias. This can happen even at the cost of being able to do your job or enjoy the moment with friends and family. Sometimes, it can even seem as if your brain wants to be stuck in those awful circling thoughts!
Here’s the answer: the human brain developed to consider the threat to your life first, and to think about everything else later. As a species, we care about our own survival and the survival of others. So if you are sensing a threat in your world, you put all things in your life on hold until you can return your body and mind to safety. That’s why you can’t enjoy the moment, or stop that lazer focus on bad thoughts – even though you really wish you could.
Ask yourself if what you are thinking about is truly a threat to your life or not. Is it really a fire, or is your smoke alarm sounding and there is no real fire to put out. If there is a fire – it is a real threat. Put the fire out. E.g. “The house alarm is going off and I heard a noise downstairs!” This is threatening and taking a step to remove yourself from danger is important. If it is just a smoke alarm with no real fire, then choose thoughts that are more helpful for you. E.g. “…what if they don’t engage with me or care about the hard work I have put in during my presentation today?” Instead, think “even if they don’t engage, I know I have put in as much hard work as I can. I did my best and that is all I can ask of myself.”
The more you identify the real difference between which thought is a true danger and which is not, the easier it will be for you to focus on being grounded and feeling calm. So you are open and curious to your surroundings and can connect with others comfortably again.
