This one goes out to the parent who is trying to get their kid into therapy more than their kid is trying to get themselves into therapy.
I understand that it’s a difficult place to be. I also understand that you know that your kid or teen needs therapy and that they’ll be a much healthier human for it. But, the thing about wanting it more than your kid wants it is that you’re likely to end up wasting your time and money. At least until they want it themselves.
“Making” Them Won’t Work
Encouraging your child to go to therapy against their will won’t work. Reason being, your kid might not want to put in the effort and energy into the hard work that is required to change. Sure, they may show up for your sake. But to actually change their thinking and behavior, and understand their feelings… This will require them actually having some skin in the game.
They’re going to come through the door and the first thing I’m going to point out is that they probably don’t want to be with me. I will then ask them to help me understand why not. Moving on from that conversation if I do understand that parents wants their kid to be in therapy more that the kid wants to be in therapy, I am going to recommend to you that you take them out of therapy.
The reason for that is because if we get your kid to understand that they are being forced against their will and that therapy is almost like a punishment, they’re never going to see therapy as a healthy way to get better in the future. When they do really want therapy, it’s going to be hard for them to actually access it because of their past experience with being “forced” to go.
The Silver Lining: You
We have you! And having involved parents that want to help, is a great starting point to help your child become the healthiest version of themselves. There are many different modalities in therapy that work. SPACE is a treatment specifically directed at helping the child’s behaviors change through direct contact with parents, and no contact with the kid. This is specifically for parents who want to help their child/teen reduce their anxious behaviors. I am trained in this modality. You can find a full list of licensed providers that you can email directly through their website. Read more about SPACE here.
As a reminder, you have solutions! But the solution is not always that your kid comes to therapy just because you think it’s best for them. It’s not always helpful to get your kid into therapy when you want them to be there more than they want to be there.
There Are Options:
We can either help your kid identify what they’re fearful of about the therapy process, and help them move past that so that they can access therapy and benefit from it. Or we can work with you and help you understand what’s going on with your kid so that we can come up with ways to help your kid become more adaptive to their world. And gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts, behaviors, and feelings.
