An Anxious Brain Needs Comfort and Safety
The reason why isolation and timeouts don’t work is because an anxious brain is a brain that needs comfort and safety. You may say to your kid, “You need to think about your behavior. It’s time for a timeout.” Or you may say to yourself, “I’m such a mess right now, I think I should just stay at home because if I go out I might feel worse”. But neither of these statements will help your child or you feel safe. They only serve to push an already alert and hypervigilant brain, into further agitation and fear.
Feeling Safe:
The thing to remember here is that when kids get anxious (which can oftentimes look like anger), the most helpful thing you can do is help that person feel safe in their world again.
Distraction Is Not Safety:
A lot of us choose distractions. We’re diving into social media, watching movies, fast-forwarding through movies because even that is not meeting our need for safety.
We love to cope in many ways that don’t always serve us. It’s not helpful because it’s not moving our brain and nervous system into safety – where we might feel connected and curious about the world around us again.
What Helps Us Feel Safe?
If your kid is the one that’s struggling, connect with them, ask them what they need – a hug, to talk, help with problem solving an issue they have.
If it’s you that’s struggling with the anxiety, ask yourself what you can do to help yourself feel comfortable, calm, and at ease, rather than avoiding life, by watching Netflix or diving into Facebook, Instagram or TikTok.
