Something that is really important for you and your kid to understand is that we are actually in charge of the content of our dreams and our nightmares. Not so easy to understand or to believe when you feel like you keep having the same bad dream over again, and nothing makes it stop. What the research points out is that we can actually change what happens in our dreams.
Learning to Tackle Bad Dreams
First thing we are going to do is start having this conversation with your kid before they go to bed. Ask them if there is something from the real world that they would like to take into their dream with them. Maybe it’s their favorite toy sword or dog. The more we create the story and flesh out their imagination with the adventures of your child and their dog, the more they feel a sense of control over their dream content and what’s going to happen in that dream.
Ask questions like:
- “Who or what are you going to take?”
- “How are those things, people, or dogs going to help you fight off any monsters or bad guys in your dream?”
- “What’s going to happen next?”
- “What’s the most exciting part of your adventures in your dream where anything can happen?”
The more you get the creative juices flowing, the more your kid is going to feel like they are in control of their dreams.
Drawing
Another thing we can do to help them is to ask them to draw that really scary dream or nightmare that they keep having. Once they have enough courage to draw it and to explain it to you, they might explain that it was way scarier in the dream than it is on paper. The more they expose themselves to the very scary thing, the less scary it actually becomes.
Once your kid has drawn the scary monster, ask your kid to make him funny – maybe draw a party hat on. I often have kids drawing the monster farting or holding a fairy wand, and suddenly, this very scary creature becomes so silly to them. It becomes not that big of a deal and that’s the kind of thoughts that we want your kid to have as they slip into their dream state.
Going to sleep is a very vulnerable thing for some of these kids, and for a lot of us adults too really. It’s where we let our defenses down and try our hardest to self-soothe, and slip into a dream-like state with no issues. It sounds easy, but it’s no simple task.
What we’re looking for is more of a conversation around how much control they see themselves as having over their own dream or nightmare.
