How can it be that the words teachers and anxious can appear in the same sentence? What is teacher anxiety anyway?
After-all, aren’t teachers supposed to be the epitome of cool, calm and collected? This, as they collect money from the fundraiser, field trip and for funky hairdo day. (All recorded in individual columns but paid for in one large bank note for which there is no change.) At the same time taking the register in its complicated code, stopping the boys from having a farting competition on the carpet and comforting the sensitive girls because someone supposedly said something that’s making them sad. Of course, teachers are totally calm as they realize they only have one, 40 minute non-contact period during the day in which their data analysis write ups have to be submitted, first-draft reports peer assessed, umpteen emails to be read and answered, calling a parent to schedule an appointment after school, minutes of the Balance-is-important-Social committee meeting typed up and distributed (because being a diverse and interested member of staff scores possible leadership points). And then being “the cool” teacher who continuously makes lessons so much fun that students learn regardless. This means many minutes on the internet looking for new ideas and innovative ways of teaching the same old same old – for the students and their own sanity as they try to rule out death by non-diverse delivery. And please, please don’t forget the fact that your child’s teacher may have a low-grade headache because she didn’t have time to eat properly and cannot drink more than three glasses of liquid-anything a day, because there is simply no time to go for a pee.
This may sound far-fetched and exaggerated but let me assure you that every scenario is told in truth. I know, I’ve been there.
Teaching is not a job. It’s a calling that comes at a big price – rarely compensated by an over abundant pay-check and status in the community. And about those half-days and holidays?
What half days? We’re often at our desks long before the school days starts to get things done in a bit of peace and quiet and stay way past students’ departure to attend meetings, plan and prepare or waiting with that last child who is never fetched on time. Believe me when I tell you that every second of every down day is necessary to simply stay alert and alive. We desperately need all the time we can get to fill our tanks and get going again. You cannot give what you haven’t got. And occasionally we may just need to say hello and how are you to our own family’s too. Fancy that!
The pressure is real, the hoop jumping relentless and for someone who has always favoured connection over curriculum and the fact that I was dealing with some little persons real life to have and to mould, the responsibility at times, daunting.
According to one 2017 survey of nearly 5,000 teachers conducted by the AFT and BadassTeachers in the US, nearly two-thirds feel their jobs are “always” or “often”
stressful—roughly double the rates of stress experienced by the general workforce.
And, according to a respected academic who has studied well-being in 80 occupations, Sir Cary Cooper, professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at the University of Manchester’s business school in the UK, also a former government adviser on well-being, the profession is regularly ranked among the most stressful. “Of all the occupations I’ve studied, and that’s about 80, teachers are in the top three most stressed occupations. The hours are long and antisocial, the workload is heavy and there is change for change’s sake from various governments.”
Research has revealed what few parents know or acknowledge. Stress and anxiety hold tight hands. Teachers can be anxious too and just as much as your anxious child needs the necessary nurturing, teachers need some kindness and understanding as well. They may even have a few empathetic “me too’s” to share with you.
So, if you have a child who suffers from anxiety, these are some of the ways you can help their teacher to help you:
1. Make friends with your child’s teacher.
Establish a relationship and work with him/her. You’ll be surprised how much teachers want your child to overcome and succeed – just as you do. You’re both pulling in the same direction, please make the journey gentle. Introduce yourself by note or in person at the new parents
meeting – often in the first week of the school year. Make that, PLEASE attend the first parents meeting of the year. It’s an invaluable resource and insight into the teaching style, personality, and atmosphere of the classroom. You will also be told what to expect, what’s expected of you
and the levels your child should be achieving by the end of the year. It’s a good benchmark for so many things and sadly, notoriously poorly attended by parents.
The odd note of appreciation or some acknowledgement and thanks never goes amiss. Kindness and consideration in whatever form is always welcomed and seldom forgotten. We’re not looking for gifts, we’re looking for connection.
And you never know – your child’s teacher may even become a good friend for life. She also may or may not go out of her way to make special arrangements for one on one time in her classroom before school starts to take away some of the “fear of the unknown” stress that often manifests as children move from year to year. Kindness and consideration begets kindness and
consideration.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
At the beginning of the year make sure the teacher knows everything there is to know about your child’s condition.
Doctors reports, medication, consequences of medication, how her anxiety manifests, triggers, methods and strategies you use to control it etc. Or even if you have no medical or professional diagnosis but your child is experiencing symptoms of anxiety – let your teacher know.
The more information teachers have, the better they can deal with any scenario. On a day to day basis, if necessary, please drop the teacher a note or email letting her know about things at home that are out of the ordinary or routine. A much-loved pet is ill or dies, dad is away on a
business trip, brother is in hospital, sister has measles, granny is visiting, mom is tired of mom-ming and threw a hissyfit as the new day started and the whole family is
walking on eggshells. Whatever it is…we like to know these things. We usually find out anyway, but it short circuits the process if we’re told. Please share your gains and successes, no matter how small, so we can celebrate them too.
3. Understand that your child is not the only one in the class.
It’s most probable that the teacher is having to deal with more students with challenges than just your child. Be patient and understanding. As much as you’d like fulltime personal attention, answers and come back immediately, it’s not always possible with 25 other students also needing their needs to be nurtured and attended to.
4. Respect your teachers time.
Please don’t arrive at the start or end of the school day and expect an impromptu discussion. Make an appointment by email, in a note or by phoning the school.
Also state the reason for your concern. This way you’ll be given the respect and time necessary, when the teacher is not trying to deal with a thousand other demands, as well as giving her the chance to get together the necessary information she may need to add value to your conversation and not waste your valuable time.
5. School is not the primary learning place for life-skills.
School should consolidate what’s taught at home, not take the place of it. Please don’t abdicate your responsibility of role-modeling emotional intelligence, values, and plain ol’ good manners. Students who treat teachers with respect and are well mannered are more likeable – it’s neither good or bad it’s just the way it is!
6. If possible introduce your child’s counsellor to the teacher.
They may not be able to meet in person, but email connection is good enough to establish a relationship.
7. Don’t air your grievances and displeasure in front of your anxious child.
If you have a problem, tell the teacher but NEVER in front of your anxious child. It will make them feel totally out of control and adds an extra dimension to their stress levels.
Many times, grievances stem from a lack of first-hand information, miscommunication or misunderstanding that can easily be resolved through hearing all sides of the story. The same rule that applies to teacher/student interaction should apply here: Praise in public, air your irritations in private.
8. Remember that there is no perfect mother on this planet. Just as there is not a single perfect teacher.
Remember to take a deep breath and understand that some days will be better than others. Pat yourself on the back that you are doing the best you can with the resources you have. Some days will go better than others for you, your child and your child’s teacher. Enjoy the good ones, celebrate the exceptional and keep on keeping on with the not so happy times. Tomorrow is another day and there will always be time to start over again…and again.
