How do you teach kindness to your child in a world that isn’t always so kind? Studies show that babies feel empathy long before their first birthday! Even before 6 months old, babies show concern and other signs of trying to understand the suffering they are seeing. Empathy has become a buzzword recently, likely because our online interactions are slowly outnumbering our ‘real life’ interactions. We interact with people online more than we do in person. We are becoming desensitized to other people’s struggles as people take selfies in the mist of imminent danger, paying more attention to themselves instead of those in actual danger.
Empathy is a trait known to make children kinder and more cooperative. It also seems to prevent aggression, bullying and other antisocial behaviors. A simple google search will come up with many reasons why empathy is fundamental to a child’s need for intimate connection, good self esteem, and overall happiness.
Researchers have recently started to understand empathy as it relates to the nature verses nurture debate. We can now see which biological and environmental factors increase a child’s ability to see themselves in someone else’s shoes.
Genetics enable some children to recognize facial expressions more accurately than others. A nurturing childhood, can potentially transform someone who is genetically predisposed to lower empathy into a child who is more likely to share and help others out. “In a study of 561 children born to mothers with a history of antisocial behaviors, researchers found that those living with adoptive families that provided a warm and nurturing environment were far less likely to exhibit callous-unemotional traits than those with adoptive families that were not as nurturing.” (National Geographic, Jan 2018, Anatomy of Empathy). It is clear that even children who are born with less of a capacity to empathize with others, can be taught how to connect with others even if their genetics have other plans!
There are many studies showing the link between empathy and good mental and physical health (Batson, 2011; Konrath, 2013; Konrath & Brown, 2012; Post, 2007). So now that we know this to be true, how can we encourage and grow highly empathetic children in today’s not-so-empathetic world? Here are 4 simple ways, proven by science to encourage strong empathetic connections in your child’s life today:
Step 1:
Facial Expressions:
The part of your brain where most language processing happens is also the part of your brain that reads facial expressions. If your child is not reading facial expressions easily, this could be a reason why your child is confused in a social setting. Practice making ‘sad’ and ‘angry’ faces, and see if your child can guess the ‘feeling’ face you act out for them. Then let them have a go at it too!
Step 2:
Role model:
Take the opportunity to explain that ‘goosebump moment’ to your child. If you have just driven by a car accident, let your child know what you feel and why. If you have seen the person involved in the accident looking hurt, talk about how you feel after seeing that. Ask them how they feel if they saw it too.
Step 3:
Read:
Books are a great way to teach your child about understanding different perspectives. Reading stories together can encourage conversation about what the characters feel, think and want. Learning how to see things differently encourages a child to experience higher empathy and therefor deeper connection.
Step 4:
Travel:
Learning about different cultures and becoming more accepting of people’s differences can help a child discover what they have in common with other nationalities. Food, music, and stories passed down from older generations have value.
Having a strong sense of empathy allows a child to feel loved unconditionally and have the confidence to problem solve independently. Encouraging and raising empathetic children doesn’t have to be left to chance! Be intentional about growing your child’s ability to be empathetic, secure and confident in today’s world. Their ability to thrive and not just survive depends on it!
