Your child seems lost in thought, asking questions that make your heart ache like, “I don’t know why I get so angry. Why would they want to be friends with me after I was so mean to them? Why do I do it to them when I know how it feels?” They’re not just trying to fit in—they’re searching for a sense of self, struggling to understand how they fit into a world that often feels confusing and overwhelming and like it doesn’t have space for them to belong.
For neurodiverse students, understanding identity can feel like an unsolvable puzzle. They may struggle to read social cues, interpret how others perceive them, or even grasp their own feelings about themselves. This lack of clarity can leave them feeling disconnected, anxious, and unsure of who they are or where they belong.
The harder they try to define themselves, the harder it can feel to get answers. They may start to question their worth, second-guess their abilities, or withdraw from relationships altogether. And as a parent, watching them wrestle with these questions can be painful, especially when you want nothing more than to help them see the incredible person you know they are.
This week in therapy, a student shared: “I don’t know if people like the real me. Because I’m different inside than I am outside I think. But the truth is, I don’t even know who the real me is.”
They described how this uncertainty affected every aspect of their life—from friendships to academics to their ability to make decisions. “It’s like I’m trying to be everything to everyone, but I don’t even know what I want or who I am.”
Through therapy and tutoring, we began the work of self-discovery with this young person. First, we helped them identify their strengths and values—not based on external expectations, but on what truly felt meaningful to them. We created a space for them to explore thoughts and emotions without judgment, which helped them not feel so tightly wound with anxiety.
In sessions, we built tools to help them navigate social interactions more confidently, like understanding social cues and managing normal and expected moments of miscommunication. At home, parents learned how to celebrate their child’s individuality by focusing on their unique qualities rather than comparing them to neurotypical siblings or ‘others’.
Over time, this student started to feel more grounded in their identity. They learned that who they are isn’t about fitting into a specific mold—it’s about embracing their own complexity and finding ways to express themselves authentically, even if people around them were not expecting this from them.
If your child feels lost in their sense of self, they’re not alone—and they and you don’t have to figure it out alone, either. At Warrior Brain, our integrated therapy and tutoring services help neurodiverse students explore their identity with compassion and support, while teaching the tools they need to navigate relationships and social challenges.
