School is out. Summertime is here and travel, late nights and a completely different set of rules are upon us! If you’re thinking, “It’s summer break and I’m scared…” then I hear you. It is equal parts joy and anticipation, for both you and your children. So if you have noticed that your little humans are pushing back against you (even more than usual!) as the summer starts, you are not alone. And if you have noticed that you are pushing back against yourself – think “why can’t I get anything right?” or “I should have planned this ages ago!” – then it is a sure sign it’s the start of summer.
“It’s summer break and I’m scared…”
The summer holidays bring on too much disorganized time. School is made up of safe routines and clear expectations. No school means a lack of these routines, and you are not used to scheduling time around your children. Kids need to be bored (*GASP*, I said it!) and our children of today would do well to learn how to entertain themselves. This thought that “every second of the day children need to be advancing” is a steep mountain to climb. This creates a teenager and young adult who struggles to find the off switch and who cannot appreciate the value of down time or rest. And, whose self-worth is directly linked to how productive he or she is at any given moment. Busy-ness is not a badge of honor. It is not our gate pass to self-worth. Real bravery and self-worth, is knowing how to slow down and find our own sense of peace. That is your real badge of honor.
Having a clear understanding that boundaries are normal and acceptable in our society helps children feel safe and secure. As a child grows older and moves through typical developmental stages, their social, emotional and physical boundaries change. Summer time travel, brings on a change in these 3 boundaries all at once! Boundaries are a grey area topic. And I’m determined to make it a little more tangible for you. So stick with me here: a boundary or limit is what you are willing to accept and what you are not willing to accept in your life. It doesn’t have to make you the grumpy, grouchy parent. Actually, having messy boundaries and unclear limits makes you that grumpy, grouchy parent. Think of the last time you lost it with your child. What did they do? Did they know that was something they shouldn’t have done? And that if they did do it, did they already know what the consequences would be? Children are meant to push on boundaries. If they didn’t, there’d be a reason for concern. If your child always listened to your every request, would you even really be a parent?
So, what’s the point? Why is this the ONE THING I chose to write about to you this summer? If you don’t think you and your child needs this, then I need you to read on.
The Boundary Needs of Children
What is the point of a boundary anyway? Once you set a limit or talk openly about your expectation (e.g. I won’t talk with you about this until you can talk to me using respectful words. I want to talk to you about it only if we can both respect each other), here’s what will change: your child will take responsibility for their own needs, gain a sense of control and choice and being able to delay gratification, and respecting the limits of others.
Here is an article for you with a little more insight about why limits and boundaries are so needed for your child.
What is important here is respect for their own limits and learning how to respect the limits of others. It’s not just a rule they need to follow. It’s learning how to respect their own choices, and respecting the choices of others too. So that they can live a life with clear expectations and clear consequences (good and not so good!) if those expectations are not met.
The Boundary Needs of Parents
Being responsible means taking ownership of your life. It means not just letting it go right on by without us taking some sort of control over the direction it is headed in. Ownership is to truly hold your life in your own two hands and to know that you are accountable for it. That responsibility that you have and hold, and model to your child teaches them so much. It means your child learns to get their homework done without a fight. It means going to bed on time and not waaay past their bedtime. And for the love of strong, hot coffee, it means waking up without a struggle every single morning. This later turns into your child one day following through on being the partner they promised they would be. Being dependable when their colleagues and friends need them to be. And getting the job done because they said they would do it.
If summer break has left you feeling scared about what the next 2 months will be like, DOWNLOAD THIS GUIDE on what you can do this summer to help your child feel safe and secure. And feel like you are actually doing enough as a parent again!
If you enjoyed this article and suspect your child might have too many worries and fears that happen too often, you may want to grab this guide on The Ultimate Guide to Child Anxiety. If you have been sent this link by a brave and awesome friend or family member, sign up here for more updates from Warrior Brain.
