I’m going to share 3 actionable tools on how to break free from the limiting “should, would, could” type thinking that often causes you to keep “shoulding” on yourself.
As the pressure for success intensifies in fast growing industries, right now is the best time to address what holds you back from the shame of creating a reality that doesn’t exist.
Don’t be that person that dedicates endless hours to their goals, only to realize they’re stuck in a cycle of procrastination and unfulfilled potential.
Dwelling on what you should have done, would have done, or could have done leads to self-doubt, paralysis, and missed opportunities. You know this because you have been there before. You might even be there right now.
Instead, build and practice self-compassion and take proactive steps to be in the present by accepting it and accepting you. Use sentences like “I am going to”, “I will” and “I can” and actually follow through on what you say.
Let’s get stuck in:
How to Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself
Action 1: Embrace the Present
Shift your focus from past regrets to the present moment. Acknowledge that every step, regardless of its perceived success, contributes to your growth.
Tool: don’t just have a to-do list. Have a to-done list as well. This way, you can see all that you are doing in a day, instead of only focusing on what didn’t get done today and what needs to be tackled tomorrow.
Action 2: Set Realistic Goals
Rather than dwelling on grandiose “should” goals, set achievable milestones. Break down your ambitions into manageable tasks, celebrating each accomplishment along the way.
Tool:
Task – “I need to meet with X.” Now break that down.
Step 1: email/message X and ask them when is a good time to chat.
Step 2: confirm and schedule a time.
Step 3: actually meet with X, even if that is only next weeks when both schedules align.
Action 3: Practice Self-Kindness
Replace self-critical thoughts (”you made a mistake and you even checked in 3 times, what were you thinking?”) with self-compassion (”you did your best. Mistakes can be made even after triple checking. The worst that can happen is that I fix it and we move on”).
Tool: Treat yourself with the same kindness you extend to others. Understand that mistakes are part of the learning process. Talk to yourself like you are your own favorite boss or best friend. Say to yourself, “I know you mean well. Try again and if you need help, I will be here for you.”
Conclusion:
Accept your reality and feel less shame about not having a different reality. Free yourself from the shackles of “should, would, could” thinking by changing to “I am”, “I will” and “I can”.
Embrace the power of now with reminding yourself, “I am doing my best”; set realistic goals for today, and be kind to yourself when you catch yourself being unkind.
By starting with practicing one action above, you will blossom into the person you know you can be.
